I have been so exhausted! I laid down and still couldn't let myself drift into deep sleep. So much on my mind..... First, the passing of family friends Father after an accident at home that took his life,
I watched his home going online and set in wonder at the great man I was hearing so much about and wanting to ask God why?
Then while watching this service seen a post online that another family
friend's 18 year old son had been in a serious car accident and had not survived......... This was all on Saturday..... then..... on the news I read of an old family friend that I use to watch worship on the second row of FAC had been murdered..... along with
his wife.... they were 59 & 60 years old..... regardless of the reasons, speculations and so on..... this was a life gone too soon..... I was simply over whelmed as I lay trying to sleep....and I was sleepy.... just couldn't get the images of a Mother,
Father, Grandparents, sisters & brothers in anguish....
I thought of my own children.... and my Joshua who will be 17 on Monday.... where has the time gone? He drives now... although we haven't
let go completely in that area but we know we will have to now.... scares me to death..... I am just not ready for that......he works hard most days on his job, climbing on top of homes, up on tall ladders.... I want to be there and make sure everything is
okay.... :-) but I have to let him go....
..... My oldest and his wife and beautiful baby girl who are 1,000 miles from me....I want to protect them from all the evil that prevails, all the disappointments
that life can bring......I want to make it easy for them... but I also know that there is no growth in 'easy' ......I want to make sure they pray together often, make sure they love each other completely, with everything with in them.... I want to be there
and stop any harm that would come their way and try to destroy that love.... I want to be there and make sure their every need is meet without struggle..... but .... they do not grow and become better that way... love doesn't become deeper that way.......
My husband who works in dangerous situations every single day.....I want to stand by his side and hold that ladder! lol I want to be there with ointments for every burn that the weld splatters... I just know
he would love that LOL... I want to fix his lunch at 12 and make sure he has eaten well and refreshed to head back onto the ship to do what he does........ .
My Jordan who is still at home with us
most of the time but growing more and more anxious to make his own way ..... working away from home enjoying being at his grandparents working around the yard.... I know I shouldn't but I think of all the things that could happen... there are Alligators out
there for peaks sake!
Then there is a war going on.... when is there not? If I allowed myself to think of the pain and anguish that is taking place around our world I guess I would never sleep.....
Then I close my eyes and I talk to Jesus..... I tell Him I do not understand..... I want to ask why..... why so much pain... so much sorrow?......It may not seem possible if you haven't ever experienced it....
but He speaks peace to my heart..... as I let tears flow and tell Him my deepest fears.... how my heart hurts and how I simply do not understand.... pouring my heart out to Him I feel a peace that surrounds me..... I praise Him because I know He has it all
in His hands.... He is in control and what my flesh doesn't understand He already knows..... He already has the answers.... He already knows I will come to Him in question of things around me...... that I will come to Him asking for peace and comfort that
only He can give. It is always there.... His presence doesn't change the circumstance around me... but it changes the way I view them... it changes the way I deal with each experience.
I want to
fix the world... I want to make sure everyone is safe and no one experience hurt, pain, disappointments...... I know that I can't do that.... but I will do what I can.... I can share this peace that I know with each and everyone I come into contact with each
day...... I will share a peace that will not change their story......... but will bring light to every line.... give joy, peace and happiness that can't be explained...... but is only experienced even through pain.